I really really need to go now

Today makes a week. At 2:30 pm it will be 7 days since I arrived in emerg at Mt. Sinai. I woke up this morning feeling like I’m getting a cold.  Fondling my forehead has become a tic. I’m scared.

Last night was the first night that really sucked. It started with my cousin Ari getting stuck in the Sabbath elevator for half an hour on her way to visit. Really God? The Sabbath elevator? 

I took my this-is-the-best-sleeping-pill-ever – Trazodone and turned off the lights at 11 - a little later than usual because I was going to get to sleep in. No IV. I’m on oral antibiotics now.

At 11:30 I was startled awake by an announcement Can Thorton Herrare please return to the 10th floor immediately. Sounds like Thorton found someplace to have a good time and was out past curfew.

Then at 1:00 am or so an alarm went off – a loud piercing staccato beep. 7 minutes of that, followed by another announcement. Code Red 10th floor stairwell.

Fuck you Thornton! Code red is smoke. I just know you were having a butt in the 10th floor stairwell and now you’ve fucked with everyone’s sleep.

I heard sirens on the street. More minutes of beeping that pillow and blanket over the head couldn’t block.

I woke up on my own at 6:10 to the noise of the floor stirring. No falling back asleep. Buzzed the nurse to come do my blood and take my temperature.

Went to the kitchen to make my daily tea. NO tea bags. The kitchen usually brings those up in the evenings and since they don’t actually have to cook anything, and evenings are quiet, you’d think that would not be a huge burden. I’ve got my little routines here now. I put on my mask and walk in my pyjamas to the kettle/fridge room and make a tea. One small pleasure ripped away

I anticipate another day of waiting. Yesterday my oncologist was supposed to weigh in but she never returned the messages. You can see how the increments of time will add up:

8:00 am: Docs starts calling DR B to get a response.

8:15 – Whenever the Fuck (WTF): Docs wait for a response

9:00 - Breakfast

WTF am – WTF am – No response

10:00 am - Antibiotics

WTF am – Blood comes back having risen the usual .3

1:00 pm - Lunch

WTF pm – Doctors call Mt Sinia oncology instead

WTF pm – WTF pm – Doctors wait for a response

Way the fuck later – Doctors maybe decide to give Aviva Nupogen to boost the whites

WTF pm – WTF pm – Wait for the drug to do its thing

I don’t see going home anywhere on that schedule. Yes, I’m not thinking positively. I’m being a negative Nellie. Piss off. Go Namaste yourself somewhere.

The nurse took my temperature. 35.5. Welcome to the Himalayas. I must have had a sip of water. Anyway, no fever, so I can strike that off the To panic about today list. Hm, what to add?

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