Duking it out with my blog

Blog: “You ingrate, how could you just leave me hanging around waiting? I thought you cared. I thought you were punctual, reliable, thoughtful.”

Aviva: “I am. I was. I am. And anyway, it’s not like you’re on a street corner somewhere, exposed to the elements.”

B: “You’re right, sitting in cyberspace, open to everyone, wearing last month’s outfit is not exposure at all.”

A: “You’ve got old stuff to show them.”

B: “Who wants old stuff?”

A: “People who’ve never read it.”

B: “Do you hang out much in archives?”

A: “No, but…some people do.”

B: “Are you kidding. If they have to click more than one button they’re out of there.”

A: “So why do I bother with hyperlinks?”

B: “Don’t ask me. It drives traffic or makes you look smarter or deeper. Didn’t someone tell you that?”

A: “You’re the blog. Don’t you know anything?”

B: “I thought you loved me.”

A: “I do. But I thought you’d understand that I’m busy, with other things. I want to be popular.”

B: “I can make you popular. You’re just not committed. You don’t believe in me.”

A: “Ok. Really, I want to make money.”

B: “OMG, I’m choking, pass me some water, that was hilarious.”

A: “Ha, ha.”

B: “Seriously. You love the novel better.”

A: “I don’t.”

B: “You love the Huffington Post better.”

A: “I so don’t.”

B: “Well you love the Globe and Mail better.”

A: “I might if they’d let me.”

B: “You love the kids better.”

A: “I do. But that’s not fair.”

B: “It was a joke. What happened to your sense of humour? We used to laugh so much together. Everyone knew we were tight. Now they can tell we’ve drifted apart. And you’re getting so narrow.”

A: “Oh shut up. You’re being an asshole.”

B: “I gave you your start. You’re where you are because of me.”

A: “That’s bullshit.”

B: “Well I gave you a big fat boost. I’m your calling card. I’m the one who never rejects your stuff. That’s what you said. I always post it. No matter how…”

A: “No matter how what?”

B: “Never mind. Nothing can be perfect all the time.”

A: “But most of the time?”

B: “Are you seriously asking me this? You fucking dump me, then you want me to tell you how great you are?”

A: “I know I owe you, but if you think about it, you owe me too. I mean where would you be…?

B: “Oh I wouldn’t start that.”

A: “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll recommit.”

B: “Can we have a ceremony?”

A: “No.”

B: “Can I get a new dress?”

A: “You can get a new suit.”

B: “But I want a dress.”

A: “Why did we ever get together?”

B: “I’m glad you’re back.”



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