avivarubin's blog

Thank you giving

Oh. Right. Blog.

It’s not that I got bummed out and completely off track that I haven’t posted in the last couple of weeks, it’s that I got on track, or on a path towards a track. And for that I am so grateful.

Full Catastrophe Living

Week 2 of mindfulness meditation.

I think it’s working.

I didn’t watch any “TV” shows during the day this week. (Now that I have a number of unnamed sources for small screen activity, I’m simply going to refer to anything I watch in my home as TV, regardless of where it comes from.) Ok, I did jump on my mini trampoline with Mindy Kaling. But that was exercise.

Do You Mind?

I’m on the mindfulness train. The Mindfulness Meditation Express. Got on last Monday. I’m not allowed to talk specifically about the class but I can talk around it. And I can talk about me.

It's a bumpy life

This weekend was my first maintenance chemo. Shabbas chemo. That would never happen at Mt Sinai. When we arrived the place was locked because who does chemo on Saturday? Even the staff hadn’t thought to open the doors to serve their weekend cocktail brunch.

What's trending?

The mud of last week, the thick clay-like, impossible without muscle power, desire, and the loudest sucking sounds, like harvesting gooey ducks, to pull out of, has been diluted. Now it’s just muddy water that won’t exactly wash anything clean, but leaves room to maneuver, and feels (momentarily) refreshing by comparison.

I seem to have a situation

I have never spent so much time with my hand on my forehead as I have over the past four days – some combination of fever-checking and despair. 

I really really need to go now

Today makes a week. At 2:30 pm it will be 7 days since I arrived in emerg at Mt. Sinai. I woke up this morning feeling like I’m getting a cold.  Fondling my forehead has become a tic. I’m scared.

Last night was the first night that really sucked. It started with my cousin Ari getting stuck in the Sabbath elevator for half an hour on her way to visit. Really God? The Sabbath elevator? 

By the book

It’s Tuesday at Mt Sinai hospital. I’ve been here since last Thursday. I feel grateful that every morning until today (dark, mood-fitting rain), I’ve opened the blinds to bright sunshine, and that it took this long to get a nurse that really pisses me off.

The Girl in the Plastic Bubble

In case you were wondering where the fuck I am, I’m back from Croatia and having another kind of vacation at Mt Sinai hospital, in a room, by myself, where they keep changing the protection protocols from gowns, masks and gloves, to nothing, and back. For my protection.

Shaking the Cancer Hangover.

I’ve come across the ocean to the island of Brac, Croatia on the Adriatic with my dear friend Kathy.